Homestuck x Reader - A bedtime story
by e-bartkowiak
Summary: "How I met your father/mother?" - One shots answering this question - made so far: Karkat x Reader; Jake x Reader
1. Karkat x Reader

Karkat x Reader

* * *

An elevator door opened and I swayed my way too heavy bag outside, onto the floor of spacious staircase. With a big bundle of beddings under one arm, I stood beside my uncomfortably big bag and looked in direction of a long corridor. I saw white doors with numbers 423 and 424, growing from left to right. I glanced at a keychain I'd gotten just a few minutes earlier - it was showing a number 413. I put the key back into my pocket, grabbed a bag strap and, humming carelessly, I started dragging the bag over the floor.

I was passing different rooms. Some were closed, some were opened. Some students looked like they'd been living in their rooms at least few days already, others - just like myself - moved in recently. I finally reached the room I was going to spend next nine months and I inserted the key into the lock. It clicked once, twice and I opened the door. Then I leaned down, grabbed my bag and, with a quiet grunt, swayed it inside my new room.

Only then I looked around and my jaw literally fell down. I had no idea who had lived there before me, but for an almost empty room it was definitely messy. Small crumbs were on whole carpet-like floor-covering and all three beds. Wardrobes were here and there smeared with reddish substance which had dried long time ago and which name I didn't want to know. A window looked like it hadn't been cleaned in few years and a fridge… I closed it as soon as I opened it.

"I have to admit - that's rather impressive," I've heard a calm voice behind me and, as I turned around, I saw a girl around my age. She had short, blond hair and was dressed in a black dress with pink details. Just like me a while earlier, she had a bundle of beddings under one arm and a huge black-pink suitcase. "I'm Rose Lalonde," she said, placed her beddings on the nearest bed and reached out her thin hand.

"[Name] [Surname]. Nice to meet you Rose," I answered, shaking her hand.

"I assume we will waste few hours on cleaning, which should be done by previous roomers," Rose said without any particular emotion in her voice, looking around. "Are you aware of anybody who would happen to own vacuum cleaner?"

"Not really," I admitted, hopelessly looking around. "I'm as new here as you are. I guess we have to simply ask around. And you don't want to look inside fridge," I added seeing as Rose reached to its door. She looked at me with a slightly raised brow, but opened the fridge anyway. Each shelf was speckled with various leftovers - half of apple here, circle of mayo or slice of cheese there and much, much more.

"You're right," Rose admitted, closing the fridge. "It almost started to live on its own. Any suggestions where should we start?"

"We could remove all furniture," I said, looking through the opened doorway at the corridor. On the opposite side of it was just a plain wall - no doors nor windows. "We could place them there and then ask around about vacuum."

"It seems reliable in case of chairs and desks," Rose agreed, "but I doubt we would be able to remove beds, not to mention wardrobes," she pointed at said furniture. Yes, it looked way to heavy even for both of us and it would definitely not fit in doorway if we would try to simply push it outside. Beds seemed to be more fitting, but not much lighter.

"We can push them around the room once we get rid of desks," I answered with a smile. My good humor still wasn't leaving me.

"That's sounds reasonable," Rose admitted, grabbed the nearest chair and moved it outside our room. I followed and soon all three chairs and desks stood in the corridor. "Stay here, please. I'll go ask for vacuum and something to clean," Rose said and went on her little hunt.

I stood in the much emptier room, looking at one of beds. It didn't look TOO heavy. I walked closer to it and curiously pushed it with my knee. I chuckled and looked closely at the bed, then at the doorway. It was wide enough and there wasn't any threshold, so I decided to try. Pushing the bed here and pulling it there I soon directed it into the doorway and, with wide grin, I pushed it through. But my smile faded away as the other side of the bed hit the wall while the closer one was still in the doorway.

"Marde," I murmured, stepping over the furniture and wondering what should I do next. I brushed some crumbs to the floor and sat on soft mattress, thinking. Push it back, or try to turn it a little and if yes - how?

"AND HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPOSSED TO GO TO THE KITCHEN NOW?" was an angry voice behind me. I jumped a little, surprised, and turned around to see as angry as his voice troll with the nubbiest horns I'd ever seen and a kettle in hand.

"Normally. Over it. It's so dirty, no one would mind anymore," I said calmly, still thinking how should I move this restive furniture. The troll huffed, took one step on the bed, second on the floor behind it and walked away in the direction of the kitchen, mumbling something about irresponsible freshmen. Just as he walked into the right doorway, longhaired girl stepped into the corridor. Just like me and Rose, she was carrying a bundle of beddings, but she hadn't had any bag or suitcase.

"Hello," she greeted me cheerfully. "What's going on?" she asked quickly, looking inside the room. She was wearing big, circular glasses and a blue dress with black dog head on chest.

"We, me and my roommate Rose, are cleaning our room. Rose went looking for vacuum. I'm [Name] by the way." I reached out my hand and smiled at her warmly.

"I'm Jade," she exclaimed, shaking my hand. "I think we will have a great time living together."

"So, you are the third," I summed, with a smile. I had exactly the same feeling. "Where are your things?"

"Oh, my grandpa will come with them in the evening. Hello Karkat!" She waved at the troll from before, who came back. This time he stepped on the bed without screaming, but he still seemed rather pissed off. He grunted something that eventually could be counted as greeting and walked away.

"You know him?" I asked, surprised. Jade looked like she was my age, possibly younger, but not older.

"Yes, he's John's, my brother's, friend and roommate." She suddenly lightened up like a Christmas Tree. "You know, I could ask him if he, and his friends, could help us with moving beds and everything!"

"That would be great!" I beamed and Jade almost immediately ran to troll's room.

Karkat and three of his friends agreed, but not for free - in return we had to made a supper for them. We made a deal and here we were - Jade was cleaning the window, Rose was scrubbing wardrobes which were moved to one corner of the room and I was vacuuming the floor. I could surly say that this vacuum, Rose had found, was and old crap. I had to move it over one place at least five times before it looked decent. I'd never been a person to easily get irritated, but this vacuum was on straight way to accomplish that.

"We're going to change water," Jade sang happily as she went outside with Rose. In exchange I only muttered something even I didn't know what meant. Just few moments after that, Karkat decided to stomp into our room.

"[NAME]!" he started as angrily as ever. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! YOU STARTED TO CLEAN THIS FUCKING FLOOR A HALF FUCKING HOUR AGO! AND YOU DID SHIT! I'M HUNGRY! HOW THE FUCK LONG ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME WAIT!"

* * *

"And that's pretty much how I met your father," you finished your story with a rather sour face, but with a tiny bit of amusement. You glanced at your sleeping son. He looked exactly like his dad, but his skin tone were somewhere between yours and Karkat's and his, now closed eyes, were like yours.

With a warm smile you lightly brushed his raven hair from his forehead and you placed a soft kiss on it and giggling, when your little offspring scuffed at you without waking up. You quietly left the bedroom and walked to your living room.

"Took you a while," Karkat commented as soon as you entered the room. He was sitting on a couch with a big bowl of popcorn on his lap, waiting for you to join him in watching some new rom-com.

"I was telling the most unromantic love story in the world," you answered, sitting right next to your troll husband, nuzzling to his side and taking a fistful of popcorn.

"And what would that be?" he asked, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you even closer.

"How did we met," you answered with a chuckle and quickly pecked his jaw.

"Yeah," he commented, after a while he needed to recall the event. "That was the fucking worst beginning ever. But you know what?" he asked, placing a kiss on top of your head.

"Huh?" you looked up at your beloved Karkat and you could swear he was blushing. That or that was just a hue from an almost completely pink screen.

"Story 'how did we date' was much better and 'how did we live together' is my favorite with nothing even close to it," he declared and the pink on his cheeks turned into a deeper shade.

"Yeah, my too," you chuckled and kissed him again - this time on his lips.


	2. Jake x Reader

A/N: I can't do Jake's accent, so I wasn't even trying - I think it's better for him if I make him speak a proper, modern English (as if a no-English speaker like myself can speak a proper English... anyway, have fun)

* * *

An empty cup of coffee resounded in a trash bin as I passed it and walked into a library. I briefly looked at an old-fashioned clock which stood next to the entrance. I had over one and half an hour to my next lecture - Basics of Paleontology. It would take me not more than ten minutes to get to the hall and that was leaving me more than enough time to borrow that textbook I needed and learn a little.

I took a deep breath. I could smell old wood, equally old books and ink - aromas I adored. Saying 'good morning' to a librarian - a young and nice, but enigmatic woman - I walked in between rows of bookcases. I found the textbook I'd been looking for and after a little of formalities at the reception I sat at one of many tables near the entrance.

I took off my photocopied notes - I had taken them from my friend, Aradia. Where had she taken them from? I had no idea. They were good that's all what mattered, although I had to rewrite them. And that was it - I was sitting in the library, wondering if this letter was 'e' or 'a' and if that one was really 'g' when some guy took a seat opposite to mine. He smiled at me warmly when he noticed that I looked up at him.

"Hello," he greeted me with a clear English accent, "do you mind if I take this seat?"

"Not at all," I admitted with an equally warm smile and shook my head a little. I went back to my work, but time after time I was giving him a short glances. He was handsome: a slight tan, a strong jaw, sweet buck teeth, a straight nose and gorgeous green eyes hidden behind rectangular glasses - his appearance was perfect. He seemed nice and had to be intelligent to be at this university.

Now, the main thought which wandered around my mind was:_ how to start a conversation?_

"Are those my notes?" He leaned a little over the table. There was an amusement and a little bit of disbelieve in his breathtaking eyes.

"What do you mean?" I asked more than happy that he asked that question – any question - and proud of myself that my voice didn't shake.

"Those," he pointed at my photocopied notes, "can I look at them?"

"Yes." I handed them to him. He started leafing through this quite thick pile, amusement on his face visible more and more with each page.

"Yes, they are mine," he announced with a chuckle handing them back.

"You mean… you wrote them?" I asked dumbfounded, pointing at the pile.

"Exactly," he smiled at me again - a smile which would made me faint if I wasn't sitting, "a lot of people copied them, but I didn't expect them to outlast two years."

"I took them from my friend who took them from her friend… who took them from I don't know who," I giggled, "at least now I know the source." With a happy grin I pointed at him theatrically.

"I am honored." He puffed his chest as if queen Elizabeth herself pinned him an order. "So, I guess they are pretty good."

"They are great," I admitted according to the truth - not because I wanted to talk to him more… Which was true too, by the way. "They are very easy to understand. I often had some questions after lectures, but since I've gotten your notes everything is clear. But…" My face suddenly changed from happy to sour. "Your handwriting leaves a lot to wish."

"I know," he laughed, but winced when librarian shushed him. "That's why I was so surprised. When everyone copied them from me, exam was really close and they were a little desperate." He whispered leaning closer to me.

"I can understand that," I giggled, recalling my last exam.

"But I think that I improved," he said proudly, opening one of his notebooks on a random page. I looked at them and my face was sour once again.

"No. Not really. But don't worry about that. I really like riddles and with right approach it was fun to decode your writing."

"That's relieving." He let go of an extravagated sigh, which made me giggle a little more.

"Beside that I would like to travel around the world, searching treasures and decoding ancient languages, so I had a little foretaste of what awaits me." I winked at him playfully.

"Oh," he leaned even closer, clearly interested, "A little adventurer, I see."

"You can say so." I was pretty sure that blush I was holding back the whole time was appearing on my cheeks. "It would be nice to be someone like Lara Croft," I giggled, a little embarrassed, "that's silly."

"No, it's not," he said that so serious it surprised me. "I really like Lara Croft and I want to be an adventurer myself," he announced with a childlike obstinately.

"Then maybe we can travel together," I giggled a little, still slightly embarrassed.

"It would be nice." He smiled at me warmly. That was official - I could die at that moment and I would die happy.

"You ready dude?" Out of blue a man appeared next to us. He was tall and wore ridiculous anime shades. He was handsome I had to admit it, but not my type.

"Hello Dirk and yes." The green-eyed guy who I'd already had crush on, but whose name I didn't even know, rose from his chair. "I have to go. It was really nice to talk to you, miss…" He walked around the table and stood beside me.

"[Name] [Surname]," I said with a warm smile, holding out my hand.

"My name's Jake English." He took my hand in his much bigger and pleasantly warm one and did something I didn't expect - he leaned down and kissed softly my knuckles. Now I was totally red.

"I would like to meet you again [Name]," he said quietly, but he didn't have to speak louder, I could hear clearly every word he said. "Maybe tomorrow? In Homestuck Café? About five in afternoon?" He was still holding my hand, massaging it delicately with both his hands.

"Ok." That was all I could say - I was totally mesmerized by his eyes.

"Thank you. I can't wait to it," he said and kissed my hand again.

* * *

"And that's my sweetie how I met your father," you said quietly. With a warm smile you brushed away a black curl from your daughter forehead. She was too young to even understand what you were talking about and beside that she'd fallen asleep long time ago.

You stood up from her little bed and, after closing mosquito net, you went outside your pretty big tent. You stretched a bit, looking in direction of the sunset. Africa at this time of day was really beautiful. You looked in other direction. There, in a shallow hole you saw your husband. He was still working.

"Did you found something interesting?" You asked approaching him. He looked up at you, at first surprised, but then a warm smile you adored so much spread across his face. You noticed he had some dirt on his cheek – which somehow made him even more handsome.

"Yes. Look at them." He pointed at two skeletons he'd been uncovering. Male and female. With arms around each other.

"Even death couldn't separate them." You smiled a little, sitting at the edge of the hole.

"And it won't separate us as well." Jake took your hand and gently kissed it right above your wedding ring.

* * *

A/N: Way to say 'love you' in a creepy place.


End file.
